Self-esteem is defined as confidence in one’s own worth or abilities. Confidence is a feeling of assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities. These two words are powerful and often times very hard to attain. For me personally, they are feelings that don’t always come easy.
Recently my confidence has been depleted and I have not been feeling very good about myself . But I know that I cannot soak in these feelings or allow them to take over. I have to be able to recognize my worth without validation from any outside source, and find the ability to pull myself out of the negative space I am in.
I know that I am not alone in this struggle. Feeling insecure about your body is very normal. Every woman at every size is capable of feeling extremely self-conscious about their appearance. Feeling like this can make you want to hide from the world and shut down around those you care about. You may even feel hopelessly trapped in a body that you don’t feel comfortable in.
Knowing we can experience these emotions deeply and frequently, I want each of us to develop a HSEP (Healthy Self-Esteem Plan). This is a tool that will support us in feeling like our most confident and beautiful selves. You will need to keep a notebook handy that you can dedicate to your HSEP. Keep it close by and remember this process:
- First and foremost, you MUST turn on some powerful, boss babe music before beginning any of the steps below. A few of the songs that make me feel extra confident are listed below, but you need to play whatever makes you feel sexy and strong:
- Feeling Myself – Nicki Minaj feat. Beyoncé
- Flawless – Beyoncé
- Fancy – Drake
- Whenever you begin thinking negatively about yourself, take a second to identify what set this feeling off:
- Did you scroll past an insanely pretty IG model on social media?
- Are you comparing yourself to that girl at the gym with the slim waist and perfectly round butt?
- Are you trying to squeeze into a pair of jeans that use to slide up with ease, but now only go on if you lay on the floor and suck everything in?
Identify what triggered the feelings that are taking over.
- Next, write down what your triggers are and the feelings that were brought on by these triggers:
- I am feeling bad about myself because I don’t look like that model on Instagram.
- I don’t think I will ever be able to get the slim waist and perfectly round a** that she has.
- I can’t believe that those jeans don’t fit me any more. I am just a big Fatty McFat Fat.
- Once you have your list, you need to challenge each one of these thoughts:
- That girl on social media uses lighting, angles, filters and a ton of makeup in order to look like that. Real women have flaws and don’t Photoshop themselves.
- I may not ever have her body but if I continue to work hard, I will transform myself into the most perfect version of me. And that’s sexy.
- Just because I am a little curvier than I used to be, doesn’t mean I’m not worthy of feeling good about myself and believing that I am beautifully sexy.
- After that, write down 5 qualities that you love about yourself. But only 1 can be about your physical appearance:
- I have a great work ethic.
- I have a wonderful sense of humor
- I am a very loyal and trustworthy person.
- I always try to let my actions speak for me.
- I think I have very pretty eyes.
- Do something positive that will make you feel better. If you do not know what this is, experiment with different activities. Here are some suggestions:
- Pamper yourself with a bubble bath and a face mask.
- Even if you don’t have any place to go, get all dressed up in an outfit that you know you will feel confident in, do your hair in a way that makes you feel cute and take some awesome selfies.
- Put on one of your hot workout outfits, put your hair up in a flirty, high ponytail, dab on a little lip gloss, and go for a walk. Get some fresh air and break a little sweat on knowing you look fabulous.
Once you get through all 6 steps, I can almost guarantee that you will be feeling much better. The point of the HSEP is to turn your thoughts in the present moment from negative to positive. While feelings of unworthiness and insecurity are normal, please remember to be kind to yourself. Do not let these feelings consume you. Take a deep breath, make your lists, and take control of your mind. The more you focus on what your best qualities are, the less you will magnify your insecurities.
Understanding yourself is power. Loving yourself is freedom.
